First off a couple of petty criminals disturb the peace in on the hill...
Last weekend I was outside my house having a cigarette when two of Brixton's finest shining examples of the next generation started jumping on a long row of cars on my street breaking off the wing mirrors in the process. Shocked, I hid in my porch as I didn't want them to spot me and possibly turn their attentions away from battering the cars to battering me. They saw me, but carried on regardless. The cheek! I was so mad that they'd intimidated me to the extent that I didn't have the nerve to tell them to stop. You know me, I've got a bit of a gob on me and it takes a lot to silence me! All I could think was I must call the police. I was frozen until I was sure they'd gone far enough for me to stand on the pavement to get another proper look at them. Normally during such an excursion I'd have my phone in my hand to entertain me for the mere three minutes I'd be outside smoking. I could have taken a photo, got the number for the police ready to call with their descriptions. This time I couldn't do anything. I mentally logged their vitals and headed indoors to make the call.
I told the operator everything I knew, what they were wearing, approximate age and height. And then they asked me which way they were heading. At this point I realised all I could tell her was that they'd carried on walking down my road towards a T junction. I kicked myself that I hadn't stayed outside a moment longer to see if they'd gone left or right. I kept thinking, if I'd had a mobile I could have followed them, a safe distance behind, up the street a little to see which way they'd turned to give the operator better information and without too much delay. The operator didn't fill me with confidence that they'd be found, based on the sketchy details I'd provided, and no doubt bigger crimes at work in the Brixton area on a weekend evening.
Back inside I sat trying to calm myself. My friend Andy was on Facebook chat and started a conversation. I told him what had just happened. Seeking reassurance that I'd done as much as I could in my phoneless situation he made a point that by not having a phone I had made the call to the police from the safety of my own home rather than stupidly following the guys up the street. And I suppose he's right. Still I hope the cocky scumbags are caught.
But then I committed a crime myself
It was just your average day at the office today until I inadvertently murdered a mouse. Seeing that my colleague was about to head into a meeting I jumped up from my desk to ask her a quick question before she left. On my return I saw a lump on the carpet next to my chair. I thought I'd accidently brought the corner of the carpet up. Instinctively I reached for the carpet corner to pat it back down before anyone noticed the damage I'd caused in my haste. But as I got right up close I saw the little bit of carpet was in fact a mouse.
'Mouse!' I exclaimed - it wasn't a huge shock to me as we all know our office is full of them. If you work late and the office is really quiet you can here them running around in the filing cabinets, eating people's cereals. But still you don't expect to see one in the middle of the day. My colleague who sits next to me leapt up from her chair.
On inspection the mouse wasn't moving. 'Oh, dead mouse!' I reassured her. Calm returned. But also confusion. How had a dead mouse appeared out of nowhere next to my chair? It dawned on me that the little mouse had probably been on an excursion for food scraps when I'd rolled over it with my wheely chair. I hadn't even felt the bump. I was in a bit of a dash when I'd got up, the mouse hadn't stood a chance.
Once the mouse had been disposed of, the jokes of animal cruelty had subsided and after I'd made the embarrassing call to Facilities to explain that I'd inadvertently killed a mouse under my desk (they later politely referred to this as a 'mouse sighting'), I wished I'd had my phone to update my Facebook status with news of the comedy events. It might have entertained a few friends especially as it was that quiet time in the afternoon when people's attention deviates towards their news feed. Better late than never I saved the tale for here and now.
RIP little office mouse. I hope my colleagues were wrong when they teased me that I'd just orphaned a mischief of baby mice...
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